Part 16

The Day Off

Tomorrow is their day off, so Sunjoon and Yoonhee prepare to leave for home as soon as they are finished with dinner. Jaeshin and Yongha are already gone, nowhere to be seen. Sunjoon and Yoonhee have planned for Yoonhee to drop by Sunjoon's home to pick up the books that he's been keeping for her at his house, and also so that she could thank his mother for the blankets she's been using. Sunjoon, finished, asks Yoonhee if she is done.

"I'm ready."

Excited, Yoonhee comes out of the room. In her hands is the same bag she had brought on her first day.

"What is all of that?"

"It's nothing."

Sunjoon takes the bag from her and sees how much it weighs. "Are you sure you can carry both this and the books all the way home?"

"Hahaha, I'm a man, too. I brought them both when I came here, so it's no problem. It's lighter than then."

Yoonhee raises her load with one hand, pretending that it does not weigh much. Then she follows him out of the dormitory. She sees that Sunjoon also has a bag of clothes to wash.

"You seem very happy. Is it that nice that you get to go home?"

Yoonhee wants to answer that she is more excited to get to go to his home than her own, but she says, "I was worried about my mother and sister. I am the only man in the house, but I've been gone.."

"Ah, you really must have been worried. But if you are to come to my house first, it might be hard for you to make it home tonight. I don't want to have to send you off just after you pick up your books..."

"I know--I had thought that, too."

She smiles, both excited and nervous. Sunjoon sees her expression and smiles as well. He is sure that this person in front of him is a man, but why is he nervous?

"You have a room to yourself, right? I'm curious as to how your room would look like."

"There's nothing much to see in my room. But there is something I want to show you."

"What is that?"

"You'll see when we get there. Ah, but don't keep your expectations too high. It's just a simple hobby of mind."

"Wow, I'm excited! A hobby..."

Yoonhee becomes more energetic at the feeling that she is getting to know more and more about Sunjoon. She is so happy that she can't feel the weight of the bag in her hand, even though the handle is digging into her hand.

The two converse as they come out of Banchon and head towards Bookchon. They turn into a deserted road when they run into a gama (the carriages they carry noblewomen in) with a man standing next to it. The man looks at Sunjoon, who passes him with Yoonhee, and then follows him.

"Excuse me. Please, I have something to ask."

Sunjoon and Yoonhee stop and turn towards the man.

"Are you coming from Sungkyunkwan?"

"Yes, we are."

"Then by any chance are you the newly admitted Lee Sunjoon doryunnim?"

Yoonhee and Sunjoon look at one another. Sunjoon turns to the man, as Yoonhee eyes the gama that is probably holding a woman inside.

"I am Lee Sunjoon. Is there something you need?"

"I am a servant for the house of the Byunjo-Panseo (The Byungpan). The lady in the gama over there has asked me to ask you if you remember the Boo-yong-hwa (the lotus flower)."

Yoonhee's face falls as she gazes towards the gama. She can't believe what she's just heard. She tries to tell herself that she heard wrong, but she is thwarted by Sunjoon's answer.

"Please let her know I did not forget what she did for me."

The servant runs over to the gama, and after a few seconds of whispering with the woman inside, runs back to Sunjoon.

"She says that she sent you off without a proper goodbye because of the circumstances. She learned recently that the whole thing was due to the initiation pranks at Sungkyunkwan. The lady has told me that since you have helped her (the implication is the since Sunjoon did not carry out the task, he saved her from being shamed) that she would like to thank you properly."

"I was the one that received her help, so let her know that there is no need to thank me. Also please let her know that I am very sorry to have involved her in such matters in the first place."

Yoonhee is unable to take her eyes off the gama. She can feel that the woman is looking at Sunjoon through the narrow space made between the curtains on the side of the gama. She isn't able to shake off this uneasy feeling--she is both displeased and distraught. When the man runs to the gama again, Yoonhee pulls Sunjoon's arm and says desperately,

"I think that's all that needs to be said, so we should go on. It will get dark soon."

But even though she is desperate and anxious, Sunjoon seems like he is in no such hurry. Before the two can turn away, the woman steps out of the gama and slowly stands up. The woman is beautiful and looks like, as expected, a rich nobleman's daughter. Yoonhee is struck by the woman's beauty. It's almost as though she is looking at a real nymph--real lotus flowers cannot compare to this woman. Any man would have surely fallen in love with her at first sight.

Hyo-eun covers her face with an outer cloth and turns, facing away from them. Yoonhee sees Hyo-eun's long braid spilling out from the cloth that covers her head. And her bright red skirt and her dark green cloth shine brightly in Yoonhee's eyes. The servant approaches Sunjoon again after talking to Hyo-eun.

"She would like to talk to you in detail about that night... She would like to find out why and how such a prank came to be."

Yoonhee is flabbergasted. How would a woman of such background find out about the initiation prank in the first place? And even if she had found out through anyone that there existed such a prank and what the prank entailed, why would she want to know more about something that's done and over with after? Why now? It's more than obvious that she just wants to see Sunjoon.

"That sounds fine."

Yoonhee looks at Sunjoon. As the servant goes to Hyo-eun again, Yoonhee tries to talk Sunjoon out of this situation, trying as hard as she can to try to keep smiling.

"What is there more to explain about that night? Nothing happened. Let's just keep it short and head home."

"But I shouldn't refuse her. If she wants to know what happened, I should explain."

"That doesn't even make sense..."

What happened isn't important to that woman. Yoonhee can see clearly what the woman wants.

"Then what about me? How much should I wait? It's not proper to go to someone else's home so late..."

"I'm really sorry that things have turned out like this, but maybe today isn't such a good idea after all."

"W-what? What do you mean? You can just keep your conversation short."

"I don't know how long the conversation will go, so..."

"H..how can you do this? Doesn't the promise you made with me come first? You said that you had something to show me..."

"We should plan for you to come again when we have more time to ourselves. We are always together anyway."

"Do you really think there will be another chance? Do you really think we will always be together?"

Yoonhee had been thinking like that as well. She was mistaken in thinking that she will always be with him. But the person with Sunjoon isn't her, it's Yoonshik. The woman, Kim Yoonhee, is no more than the person who Sunjoon met in passing, who hid behind a ratty old Sugechima. The 'together' Sunjoon is talking about has no meaning to Yoonhee, who will never really be with him. Even though the two are with one another, they aren't, and are nothing to one another.

Sunjoon makes a conflicted expression. Yoonhee can't stop him any longer. She doesn't want to cling onto him and argue that she is more important. But she can't put on a brighter expression so she looks to the ground. She wants to get out of here. now.

"A-ah, we can't do anything about it. It's alright--it's better to go and see my family. Don't worry about me and go ahead."

"Daemul doryung, we can come next time--"

"I'm going to go ahead."

Yoonhee walks away quickly, with her eyes only on the ground underneath her. She knows she should have told him that she would come with him next time, but she can't find the good spirit in her to swallow all her despair. Before she can get very far, she feels sorry for the way she left. So to make sure he does not fret over her, she turns around to show him a smile.
But she shouldn't have turned around. She sees the two beautiful man and woman standing close together. Sunjoon probably forgot about Kim Yoonshik or their plans together in front of that beautiful woman. She was probably mistaken that he would spend any time fretting over her. Sunjoon is a man, after all. Wouldn't he be overjoyed that such a woman would want to talk to him? How annoying would have been to have to leave her to keep a promise with another man?

The two disappear, and Yoonhee starts trekking alone towards her home. She feels a lump in her throat. To try and comfort herself, she says loudly, "Ahhh, he's such a disappointment. He's just like everyone else! Following around pretty women..."

She feels the weight of the bag in her hand. She puts it down on the ground and sits on a rock nearby. She closes and opens her hand as she thinks about Sunjoon and Hyo-eun. She tries to shake them away from her thoughts, but fails. She tries to put on a bright expression and shouts, "Eesh! Garang hyung! How lame! Chasing at a pretty woman's tail... Honestly, it was hard to watch! Hahaha. And what about that lotus flower? How can a nobleman's daughter go around following a man she's met only once? She's probably a bigger fox than Chosun, for sure."

Yoonhee stops and bites her lips. 'You're pathetic. You're worse than anyone. If you're going to dress up as a man, act like one! The one that's lame is you!'

She chastises herself and stops when she sees her beoseon. If she had stood in front of Sunjoon as a woman from the start, the two might have been in a different place. Yoonhee asks herself with a heavy heart, is it too late to tell Sunjoon that she is a woman? She grabs on to the hope that he would understand and smiles. She makes fists with her hand and gets up from the rock.

"Let's tell him! He would understand. And he would comfort me, and worry about how hard I've had it."

Yoonhee stops as she thinks about the past. She thinks about when she stood in front of the King, when Sunjoon had asked that she be placed in Sungkyunkwan, praising her skills, worrying for her health, protecting her...

Yoonhee sits down on the rock again. Sunjoon can't know. Even if Yongha finds out, even if Jaeshin finds out, and even if the King himself found out, Sunjoon can't. She can't make him a part of her own crime. She can't be an obstacle in his life--it would be easier that she watch him marry another woman.

And that day when she will have to watch him marry someone will come, soon. It might even come sooner than the day Yoonhee will come out of Sungkyunkwan and out of her disguise. Will she be able to go through it? Even if she doesn't want to see or hear about his love life, she will have to, eventually. Would she be able to go through with it with a smile on her face?

Yoonhee, at that thought, tries to smile. She will have to, eventually--it's no use asking if she can or not.

She tries to steer her thoughts to her mother and Yoonshik. She wants to go home. At home, she can be Yoonhee again. She can relax and sleep without worry. She gets up and tries to lift up her bag, to no avail. It's heavier than ever. It's almost as though somebody put a spell on it while she was sitting on the rock.

"Please, just budge. Just move a little."

She lifts up the bag. As she starts walking, the bag only gets heavier, as does every step home.

Sunjoon and Hyo-eun are walking together. But all Sunjoon can think about is the way Kim Yoonshik walked away. He shouldn't have let him go like that.

"Doryunnim? ...Doryunnim."

"Uh? Ah... Yes."

"What are you thinking so deeply about? You couldn't even hear me..."

Sunjoon looks at Hyo-eun. It's strange. Why is he thinking about Kim Yoonshik when such a beautiful woman is standing in front of him? His insides sting a little. And he knows it's not because of this woman, it's because of Kim Yoonshik.

"Did I interfere with some important plans?"

"N-no, it's not that...."

Hyo-eun smiles. But her smile only makes Sunjoon think of Kim Yoonshik, and Sunjoon can't help but want to see him again.

"Who do you think made such a prank, knowing that my house is called Boo-yong? (Boo-yong is the first two characters of boo-yong-hwa, aka the lotus flower)"

"How did you come to know about the initiation pranks?"

"I asked my older cousin. He learned about it through someone he knows at Sungkyunkwan."

Sunjoon smiles to himself, thinking about the fact that Kim Yoonshik was smart enough to figure out that Boo Yong Hwa referred to a woman without having gone to Bookchon to find her house.

"I can only say sorry again. It must be the doings of a mischievous scholar."

"Whoever it is, I am only thankful... Because he sent you."

Sunjoon looks at Hyo-eun, uneasy. Even in this situation, Kim Yoonshik is in front of him.

"Don't you think that this was meant to be? So that we could meet..."

"Ah, wait. Sorry. I.. I can't."

Sunjoon's answer slips out of him. Did he just say that because of Kim Yoonshik? No, that can't be.

"Did I get too far ahead of myself?"

"It's not that. I.. I just don't have the leisure for... If this is what you wanted to talk about, I should get going."

"W-wait. Please wait. Doryunnim, please."

Hyo-eun grabs his arms before he can turn away. Shocked, she takes her hands off him. "If you would not like to meet me, would it be too much to exchange letters? It's not easy for me to come out of the house as well. It's difficult for me to bring up such a request, so please. If you just leave like this, I'd be so embarrassed I wouldn't know what to do."

Sunjoon stands still. It's not because he is listening to what she is saying. It's because it feels as though Sunjoon is tearing himself away from this woman because of Kim Yoonshik.

"Please, let us just exchange letters. You might feel burdened because of our parents, but they need not know. Please."

"Just letters...sound fine."

Sunjoon knows why he accepted her request. He knows that it's strange to keep pushing away this woman because of Kim Yoonshik. Pained, he leaves. On his path home, he feels like Kim Yoonshik is following behind him, and so quickens his pace, almost as though he wants to run away.